While in school, I stayed home and took care of our then infant daughter. That was one of the most wonderful times in my life. The moms in the park used to joke about Mr. Mom, but I pointed out that it was called “fathering”. At first taking care of my daughter was difficult. We would have a test of wills and she would win. An important moment for me occurred when I gave her a bowl of Cheerios and she threw it on the carpet. I picked it up and gave it back. She threw it farther onto the kitchen tile and it shattered. I was so mad I didn’t know what to do! I called a friend of mine who had raised seven kids and asked, “What should I do? Every- time I give her a bowl, she throws it!” Give her a plastic bowl, advised my friend. This may sound small, but, as I have found, often the small is big. Later this concept would help a boy who was being accused of “refusing to read.” His parents said, “He knows how to read. He just won’t!” The parents thought therapy would help overcome the boy’s resistance. I remembered the plastic bowl (not engaging in power struggles) and asked, “Have you taken him to the eye doctor?” It turned out that the boy needed glasses. In the martial art known as Aikido, giving the baby a plastic bowl, rather than getting into a power struggle, is called, “Joining with the enemy” Winning is not always solving the problem.

FORWARD TO NEXT PAGE >>